Being a Parent Will Kill You (and Other Truths We Never Talk About)

Being a Parent Will Kill You (and Other Truths We Never Talk About)

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Being a Parent Will Kill You (and Other Truths We Never Talk About)

I am writing this from my bedroom — trapped. Like a character in a movie. Or Jim Gaffigan when he talks about being outnumbered. This is my SOS letter to you, The Column Reader, saying: “Send carrier pigeons. Send string cheese snacks. Send Supernanny. Send help.” I am trapped in the most “Rear Window” sort of way because I procreated. Years ago. And now, the zombies outside my door are children. And I have to…

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