I’m Done with Making Myself Feel Bad

I’m Done with Making Myself Feel Bad
This post was originally published on this site

anxiety

It has always been a challenge for me to remain in the present. I frequently reminisce about the past and think about what I should have done. Does your brain remind you of your embarrassing moments when you are about to fall asleep?

Same with worrying about the future. I try to predict what’s coming, but I’m usually wrong. Life is not predictable!

Is that the definition of anxiety?

I don’t think I have ever been able to separate my anxiety from real life. As a result, I haven’t been able to feel whole — or enough. It affects my relationships with friends and family. It affects my romantic life. And it all falls back on me: I can’t expect others to accept me when I haven’t accepted myself. I’m happy that I’ve come to this realization.

I sometimes have unrealistic expectations of myself. When I don’t exceed those expectations, I am disappointed. I am and always will be my harshest critic. But it is infuriating. I’m the only person who can’t give myself a break! I don’t think I’ve ever met my own high standards. It’s almost like I set myself up to fail.

I’m tired of not feeling worthy. I’m stuck between being happy and melancholy; between feeling grateful for my life and angry about my diagnosis with Friedreich’s ataxia.

I watch myself go through this funk, knowing it’s all in my head. When I read columns I’ve written about personal triumphs and getting over certain mental hurdles, I feel hypocritical. Once I feel good enough about my life, something reminds me of my shortcomings and that I don’t have the life I expected.

It’s time for a change. I’m over making myself feel bad about memories I can’t change and situations I can’t control. How will I ever feel good about me if I’m always putting myself down? I need to find ways to focus on the good in my life.

I am grateful to have Friedreich’s Ataxia News as an outlet. It is a place to share my thoughts, and a record of the changes I have made. I am learning to be easier on myself.

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Friedreich’s Ataxia News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.

The post I’m Done with Making Myself Feel Bad appeared first on Friedreich’s Ataxia News.

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